I'm Jessica.

This is a random mix of daily novelties

Thursday, February 20, 2003

I like this guy check him out
He makes some waves and not for the shy and timid. He is the "real live preacher" suggested by Rick Diamond-thanks Rick. I normally have a hard time sitting still at a computer to read anyones stuff for long but found myself strangely fascinated for hours the other day.
posted by Jessica  # 9:58 PM
Is it just me, or does anyone else get tired of hearing their own thoughts all the time. I want a vacation from myself...my head hurts.
posted by Jessica  # 12:48 PM
And then God showed me another part to this, other than weight but still with body image. The things I do hide behind and find my identity in instead of expressing my identity through. Now, I don't mean expressing myself through how I look but actually letting my look be my identity! But in all actuality, I want show myself as God sees me. I don't know what that is completely because I have never allowed it to happen fully because I never let Him into that part of my life. I thought the physical wasn’t part of my Spiritual self but what I am learning is that EVERYTHING is part of my Spiritual self. Every thought- every emotion- every flirtatious glance- every detail, no matter how trivial, are all part of who He made me to be. Some hide behind or find their identities in their job, or their title (I used to do that too) and some behind their families or money or how many books they have written and even how smart they are. If you think about it, there are so many distractions and places that we can find our identities or what we think we should be its very easy to miss who we truly are. You think you know, and then you find out in the next layer that you have only hit the tip of the ice burg.
posted by Jessica  # 12:40 PM
Well, response to the question about "women that feel comfortable with their bodies" have been very few; as I thought would be the case. I did however, have one friend of mine that responded that she is now comfortable with her body. This is after God did some major healing work of course. She at one time had an eating disorder and did have some major issues but now is very comfortable with the every part of her. This is unusual and I hope to be where she is at some point in my journey. The reason the question was asked is because of the season I'm in with my own personal life. I realize now how much the enemy has control over women all over the world, especially in the west, about our worth and value. This value we have learned to equate to what out physical bodies look like for the most part. Without thinking about how this personally effects me, it sounds ridiculous! This has nothing to do with how God sees us and wants us to see ourselves, which is what we aim for, right?!. I'm so frustrated at TV ads, television shows, movies, low fat everything...its mind blowing and it literally is EVERYWHERE. Stick women as beautiful? We are holding this ideal image in our minds as something to aspire to be and work towards; when in fact for most of us it's impossible. Not "if we try harder" but literally IMPOSSIBLE. God did make us in all different shapes, and sizes. Some with hips, some with real breasts, some with larger butts…so why hide it and be ashamed of them? Why don’t we compliment each other on curves and plump backsides instead of criticize each lump and bump and look down on one another if we are bigger than a handrail. Some of us don't have a small bone structure, or we are 5'4 instead of 5’10 or we don't have a personal trainer to work us out 5 hours a day 7 days a week, or a personal chief, or don’t have an eating disorder, or don't do the newest glam “weight loss quick” drug. Do you know that when I was a teenager I actually WANTED to have an eating disorder??? I tried to make myself throw up, fortunately my gag reflexes didn’t want to comply or I would have, Crazy right? I joined a weight loss program to lose 15 pounds when I was 17 years old and weighed 130 lbs. I thought myself a failure because I only lost 5 or so. I wasn’t even through growing completely. I look at pictures of myself from then and I was perfect. I was! We have all heard that and we know backwards and forwards that He loves us and we are beautiful…blah, blah, blah, right. What’s funny is we can say it and hear it but we don’t really believe it. Nope, this crap has totally saturated our society. We are carrying on in this terrible lie. And, the worst part is that I know almost no one who is not sucked into it...Christian or non. I think the only thing that will ultimately save us from this is when we individually turn it over to the Big Guy and let Him show us who we are. He will show us how to take comfort in our bodies and value ourselves as beautiful, sexy and desirable because we are all different shapes and sizes and He made us this way. Sorry to rant on but I'm so angry at this and until we all get angry and do something, we will fall prey to the lie.
posted by Jessica  # 9:51 AM

Wednesday, February 19, 2003

I have such great friends! My friend Suzanne lives in Denver CO and has rented a cabin for the weekend at a ski resort. She's flying me up to see her and to meet her newest peeps for the first time. It's been over a year since I've seen her and I'm really looking forward to it. There are some of those friends that you know you'll have forever and she definitely is one of them for me.
posted by Jessica  # 6:52 PM

Sunday, February 16, 2003

So today was 80's movie day. We thought we would show Martina what our generation was like growing up; so out came some classics like "Better off Dead”,” Stand by me" and "Pretty in Pink"...she didn't seem as entertained by them as we seemed to be. Maybe tomorrows continuation of the 80's marathon will help her gain an appreciation when we show her "Fast times..." and "Sixteen Candles"- or maybe you just had to be there!
posted by Jessica  # 10:35 PM


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