I'm Jessica.

This is a random mix of daily novelties

Saturday, December 07, 2002

So, I’m trying to figure out a really clever way to explain this day and not sound like a dork or give the impression that I'm unhappy with my life. It's also been a multi layered day as far as self realization is concerned. Just for the record, at this point in my life I'm happier with myself and where I am than ever before and would change very little; Not to be cocky but I think that’s quite a statement for a 28 year old to be able to say. With that said, I cleaned out more of my storage today. I’m in process of ridding clutter from my life. I'm "cleaning my house" so that I can move more easily into the lifestyle that God is so obviously calling me into. My goal is to have everything I own fit on my back...the problem with this is that music weighs SO much! Yes, I have few weaknesses in life but I succumb to my addiction to music, and I’m almost over the shoe thing but unfortunately it's still a minor issue. I'm getting to the point, I swear. The entire day today was spent trying to sort through audiotapes. Not even CD's right, so who cares about tapes, right?! I DO and I never listen to them because the quality of sound is not as good as CD's and they are so cumbersome. It physically hurt me to have to toss them out however. I've spent many years collecting this music and at one point in my life it was such a part of who I was, it was part of my identity. Today, I still love music of all sorts but my style has really changed and expanded, even though I swore it never would. I swore that bands like Skinny Puppy, Front 242, Switchblade Symphony and Nitzer Ebb would be blaring from my speakers until the day I died. Well, here I am still alive and it doesn't do the same thing for me that it used to. What’s that, my Dad's voice I hear..."you're getting older and moving away from the dark side". In defense of the Gothic Industrial scene I will say that it's not what most thinks it is. Of course, there are some negative dark bands but that’s the case in any scene. It's a shame that when it's talked about with people outside of the scene, the first thing in most minds are Marilyn Manson and the "trench coat mafia". There is a huge Goth Christian scene for those who are unaware. OK, Sorry, I’m getting side tracked again. So, I had to part with music and I realized I'm mourning my youth today. Not that I’m an old maid (hey, there's plenty of fire in this chickens engine...I have no clue what that’s suppose to mean) but my past is my past and that’s OK but today was a sad day. God is a progessive, dynamic God and we in His image are of course expected to progress as well, in all aspects of our lives the way I see it, even with respect to music!
posted by Jessica  # 7:10 PM
Hey, cool...my template changed finally...I think I did that 3 days ago and figured I did something wrong.
posted by Jessica  # 4:27 PM

Friday, December 06, 2002

Doxa-Qeren, the three piece project that God has been working on through 4 of us in Austin. Three interconnected circles if you need a visual image, which includes a contemplative space, a community environment, and a micro business. In a way it seems difficult to explain without spending many tedious hours showing and explaining details of what we think it will look like but in all actuality, its really fairly simple. In the beginning stages (yes, we also have looked beyond the now and have some big dreams of what will be) we have a space that can hold all three of these areas. The Doxa part of this project is the community and contemplative space. Doxa means "the glory of God" and we, as His children, are that to Him. In the community space, it will be as it sounds. People living together under one roof and all that is involved in living in community. Unintentionally intentional I suppose. We are waiting for God to give us the perfect place to allow this to happen. It is so easy to jump ahead of ourselves and say, "this is who should live here and this is what it will look like" but we are asking Him to provide a place and to connect the right people together that will bring creativity and balance to the home and glory to His Kingdom. The second part of Doxa is the contemplative space or urban monastery as some call it. This will be a part of the space that God should provide in the home. A quiet space for reading, reflection, and time to really devote to spending time alone with Jesus. It can be used by those in the community or from those who travel here specifically for this place. There never has to be fear of it disappearing or transforming into something else, this is something we feel that God specifically wants provided for those who want to partake in it. The need has been talked about for years now in the Austin area and now it looks as if it may really come to be. And finally, the last circle is Qeren, the business piece. A funny name that is pronounced like the name "Karen" but with a strange accent. The short definition of the name means "container”. This should be the container that God uses to allow the circles to continue. It is a micro business, which is a business owned and operated by 5 or fewer people. Must edit and continue later...I’m being attacked my small white balls of fur (Maltese puppies!)
posted by Jessica  # 7:52 AM

Tuesday, December 03, 2002

I miss Prague today! Some days are better than others when it comes to home sickness. Martina arrived this morning, bringing the central european cold weather w/ her and a reminder of how wonderful my friends and family are back in Czech. Lots of notes, drawings from the kids and...drum roll please...a LOMO!!!! I'm well on my way to being either a Russian spy or part of the fastest growing underground photography scene...Im a soon to be proud lomographer and excited about it! Crap...does this mean I not only have to sit down and figure out html for this blog site (which as you can see I have spent tons of time on...NOT!) but also another piece of technology (OK, its Russian from many years ago, it can't be too hard huh?!) Why wasn't I blessed with technological and mathmatical giftings in that side of my brain? Actually, I don't think its that as much as a lack of patience, is that the same side?. Anyway, to quote the Italians,"Tomorrow, I'll do it tomorrow".
posted by Jessica  # 7:37 PM

Monday, December 02, 2002

martina left me a message saying that she is stuck in NYC for the night and will be arriving in the morning to Charlotte. I hope she is OK...New York is quite a change from Prague, talk about culture shock! Yesterday I went to my grandparents contemp. Lutheran service which was actually pretty cool for a sunday morning deal...I didn't realize the Lutherans were jumping on the "newer thing"bandwagon. The church they used to attend was as traditional as any Catholic service I had ever witnessed, very dry and full of ritual...funny how Martin brought in what is now Lutheranism and for its time (back in the 15 century)it was so progressive and against what the Catholic church had become. Only problem is that they didn't seem to let it progress past what Luther did originally,so you had a 21st cent church stuck in the 1400's, or so it seemed. This service yesterday was more traditional than some, and not so much my cup of tea,but they had the right idea and are stepping in the right direction. The most important part is that the congregation got it and were part of it. The thing that really hit me about it was that they had several services and each generation was represented, from the white hairs to the wee youngins. My Grandma was really cute...she's still amazed that they let you bring coffee into the service and people dress really casual and the music is a little loud, but the lyrics move her. She's trying to get into the casual Sunday mindset. Its hard for her but she is giving it a go because she understands what the true church really is supposed to be about. I think Luther would approve.
posted by Jessica  # 6:40 PM


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